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Hi, my name is Zanny. I've known I was bipolar for about 8 years but had trouble getting officially diagnosed. My psychiatrist was convinced I had major depression and it took a wild episode and my landing in the hospital to convince her I was truly bipolar. This happened about two and a half years ago, and since then I've been doing much better on proper medication. I still have mood swings, but they are less intense. I even have what I think are "normal" days, which I never had before! I'm 40 years old, and being bipolar has affected almost all areas of my life. Because I'm rapid cycling, and often shift moods over the course of a single day, people find me unpredictable and hard to deal with. Before I started taking the proper medications, I was sometimes verbally abusive to my family, friends, and work colleagues. I spent a lot of time feeling guilty about what I had done and apologizing for things I said when I was in these mood states. Fortunately, these episodes happen a lot less frequently now. I've been fortunate that I work in academia, which is a place that is relatively tolerant of people with up days and down days (or months or years). This has been a good environment for me because when I'm hypomanic I can work work work, and when I'm depressed I can usually stay home without anybody noticing. But mood swings have often made it hard to get along with the people I work with. I had to tell a few of them that I was bipolar when I was in the hospital, and that has helped them be more understanding. My personal life was pretty chaotic before I was diagnosed. I was married for 15 years to a very sweet man who finally had enough of my swings between verbal abusiveness and deep depression about 2 years ago. Although this was upsetting at the time, it's turned out to be a blessing in disguise! Just over a year ago I met a wonderful, intelligent, creative man who suffers from major depression but is not bipolar. He has gone out of his way to learn about bipolar and is very understanding when I am overly moody. Because he accepts me for who I am, he's helped me become more accepting of myself and my limitations. Aside from the medications, what has helped me the most
in dealing with my bipolar illness is interactions with other
bipolar people. About a year after I was diagnosed I found an
on-line bipolar chatroom and spent many, many hours talking to
other people about my own and their experiences. It was such
a relief to find out that I wasn't the only person with this
problem! I'm also a member of a 12-step program and spend many
hours a week talking to bipolar people who used to self-medicate
themselves with drugs and/or alcohol in an attempt to control
their mood states (a bad idea, which only makes the mood swings
worse in the long run). Chatting with other bipolars has had
a huge positive effect on my life and I hope that you will try
this method of self-help by joining us in our chatroom. |