Hey,

My name is Buddy and it stands for mmmm Buddy. Really it was my great grandfather's nickname. I was diagnosed BP in December of 99 (BPI mixed ultra rapid cycle). Like the rest of us I suffered with it all my life unknowingly . It helped turn me in to an alcohlic and I used what ever drugs suited me at the time. It has caused me to loose a lot of friends (in angry manic state), and pushed me away from my family.

I finally went to my doctor for what I thought was depression. I was staying up for 3 or 4 days straight then getting about 4 hours of sleep. This went on for about 6 weeks. I was prescribed an anti depressant without a mood stabilizer. That was the final straw. It took everything I had in me to keep from "popping" (or more to the point: popping other people)

It has taken a lot out of me trying to control my BP on my own for my 34 years. I could say it cost me a lot not knowing till recently. Thinking that if I had been diagnosed sooner, my life might not have been as hard. Just the mental pain of dealing with it, the fear that is instilled, the paranoia, disassociation... (hallucinations are fun though ;)

That having been said, I think I would have to say I have made out pretty well. I have a loving wife and two GREAT kids. BP has put a strain on all of us at times, but I have never abused or even hit my kids. My wife and I have been verbally abusive to each other at times (which has subsided since the acceptance of the diagnosis). But I have always been employed (computer programmer since age 16), never divorced (married in 1990), never cheated or been cheated on. I just buy stuff I cant afford ;)

Having what seems to be a "good" life from the outside is probably what made the diagnoses harder for me. There were no outward signs of BP. (it was all where we keep the "little people"). I was also taking Prozac, Depakote and Inderol for migraines for 5 years prior which may have made the Dx harder. The medication I'm on now seems to be doing a good job. We may still need some fine tuning, but my anger, irritability and general mood seem to be better.

One thing I noticed after I was DXed was that all of the bands I like or most of them are BP. OZZY (Black Sabbath), Roger Waters (Pink Floyd), Billy Corregain (Smashing Pumpkins), Alice Cooper, Dave Mastain (Mega Deth), Curt Cobain (Nervana). Just a side note ;)

(See you on the dark side of the moon)
Buddy